Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
