just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
