The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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