Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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