If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
