watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
