i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
