I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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