When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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