Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
