please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I could make wine with my vomit
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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