now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize