Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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