your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.