Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird