I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?