I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!