I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it