Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
