You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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