well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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