Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
