there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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