Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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