we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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