I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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