you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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