The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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