maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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