grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
