where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
