He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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