Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
