Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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