Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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