i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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