i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
