ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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