Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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