Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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