It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
