there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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