Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
