somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
