I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My penis needs a shock collar
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
