Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
its liver damage thursday
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