I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
