How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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