He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
