We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
