I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
