I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
