also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
