Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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