At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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