dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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