Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
