What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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