i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
