I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
