tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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