I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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