Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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