You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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