My cat gives me a boner
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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