I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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