I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
