Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
