im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
