Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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