Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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