Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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