worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
