bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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