I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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