She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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