Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
