He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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